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A few pieces I keep coming back to with people. Open whichever one is useful.

Grief work

Grief work is all about honouring grief and embracing life. It's the process of actively engaging with grief instead of avoiding or suppressing it. When we suppress or avoid grief, we're not actually keeping it away as we think; it's growing stronger and can show up in unexpected ways.

Grief work is about making room for grief, understanding how it affects you, and finding meaningful and sustainable ways to carry it.

What does grief work look like?

Grief work is different for everyone, but it often includes:

Understanding your grief — naming and recognising the different types of grief you're experiencing, whether it's the loss of a person, identity, future, or relationship.
Processing emotions — recognising and acknowledging the different emotions in the body as well as the thoughts and beliefs you're holding. Learning to find ways to manage them.
Learning to carry grief — finding ways to integrate loss into your life, living alongside your grief instead of being stuck in grief alone.
Exploring meaning and purpose — reconnecting with what gives your life meaning and exploring how to create a future that honours both your grief and how you want to live.
Exploring continuing bonds — maintaining a meaningful connection with the person who has died in a way that is special to you.
Building resilience — developing tools and strategies to help you navigate grief in the long term and build skills to cope with difficult moments.

Why does grief work matter?

Avoiding grief doesn't make it go away — it just forces it to come out in other ways, often through stress, physical symptoms, burnout. Grief work helps you to honour grief and embrace life. It doesn't mean the pain goes away — there are always going to be difficult moments — but it does mean you can learn to carry it and find ways to re-engage with life in a way that feels right for you. There's no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no timeline. But if you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to move forward, intentionally engaging with your grief can help.

Types of grief

Grief is often associated with bereavement, but it isn't just about death. We grieve many things — relationships, health, identity, the future we thought we'd have. Some forms of grief are widely recognised, while others are less understood, making them even harder to process. Whatever kind of loss you are experiencing, it is valid.

Grief isn't only about losing a person. Any significant change or loss can bring grief.

Dr John Wilson suggests asking yourself:

Has the change significantly affected your daily life, tasks, or routines?
Has the change left you struggling to make sense of what is happening?
Has it led you to feel a loss of purpose?
Have you lost something you had an emotional attachment to?

Open a section to read about that kind of grief.

Delayed grief

When our brains and bodies are trying to protect us, we can often suppress emotions to cope with the stress of grief. When we don't feel the full impact of the loss at the time it happens, that's called delayed grief.

Delayed grief might happen if:

You were responsible for all of the practical arrangements after a loss, such as funeral arrangements or paperwork to process probate.
You experienced a loss during a moment of crisis and there were lots of difficult things happening at once, so you were concentrating on just surviving and getting through initial tough times.
The grief was too painful to feel, so your mind protected you to deal with it at a later time.

Delayed grief can come up months or even years later, sometimes triggered by a new loss, a significant milestone, a particular date or activity, or something seemingly small.

Disenfranchised grief

Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn't acknowledged or recognised by others as valid grief.

This might include:

Grieving someone you were estranged from or had a complicated relationship with.
The loss of a pet, job, friendship, opportunity or dream.
Grieving when others have expectations that you should be over it.
Not feeling comfortable to grieve because you are comparing the type of grief to others.

If you find yourself downplaying your grief or feeling like you don't have the right to grieve, it's likely disenfranchised grief.

Ambiguous grief

Dr Pauline Boss describes ambiguous grief as loss that remains uncertain, unresolved or lacks a definitive ending. This might include:

A loved one who is physically alive but emotionally absent due to dementia, addiction, or estrangement.
Losing a part of yourself — your health, identity, or a role that was once meaningful to you.
The loss of a home, community, or faith.

Complicated grief (prolonged grief disorder)

Complicated grief is when the symptoms and feelings of grief remain intense long after a loss and significantly impact your routines and everyday life.

Signs of complicated grief may include:

Intense and persistent longing with a preoccupation with the person who has died.
Being unable to accept the loss.
Avoiding anything that reminds you of the loss.
Feeling like life has no meaning without what you lost.
Intense emotions that don't ease over time.

This is the only type of grief that is considered a mental health condition.

Collective grief

Collective grief is grief that a group of people shares. It happens when a community, society, or group mourns together. This can happen after:

A public figure dies.
A natural disaster, war, or pandemic.

Traumatic grief

Traumatic grief happens when a loss is sudden, violent or distressing, which makes it difficult to process.

Masked grief

Masked grief happens when you might be unaware that symptoms and emotions are connected to grief.

Chronic stress, anxiety, or irritability.
Unexplained physical symptoms.
Unhelpful behaviour.

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief happens before a loss. This might include:

Diagnosis of a terminal illness.
Knowing a relationship, job, or something important to you is coming to an end.
Grieving what is coming before it happens.

Cumulative grief

Cumulative grief happens when multiple losses occur close together or when past grief resurfaces with the experience of a new loss.

Examples include:

Multiple deaths or losses in a short amount of time.
Facing personal loss while also dealing with collective grief.
A new loss bringing up unresolved past grief.

Secondary loss

Secondary losses are the additional losses that can happen due to the primary loss.

Examples include:

Losing your identity as a caregiver when the person you have been caring for dies.
Financial difficulties after losing a job or the main breadwinner dies.
Changes in friendships and family dynamics.
A loss of security, routine, or sense of purpose.

Grief symptoms

Grief can affect us in more ways than we realise — physically, emotionally, cognitively, and even spiritually. Often, we only think about the emotions, but grief is a full-body, holistic experience. These are some of the things you may experience while grieving and symptoms I can help with.

Physical symptoms of grief

Some common physical symptoms include:

Fatigue — feeling drained and exhausted, as if everything takes more effort.
Sleep problems — struggling to fall asleep, waking a lot throughout the night, or sleeping more than you usually would.
Appetite — you might find that you eat more or less than usual.
Aches and pains — headaches, muscle tension, tightness in the chest, or stomach pain.
Weakened immune system — getting ill more.
Shortness of breath or heart palpitations — grief can trigger anxiety-like symptoms.
Restlessness — feeling unable to sit still or relax.

These symptoms are a normal response to loss, but please consult your doctor if you are worried about any of them or they persist.

Emotional symptoms of grief

You might experience:

Sadness or despair — a deep sense of longing, or emptiness.
Anger — directed at yourself, others, or even the person who has died.
Guilt and regret — over things said or unsaid, or thinking “what if?”
Anxiety or fear — worry about the future, the meaning of life, or your own mortality.
Relief — due to the person suffering or specific dynamics of the relationship.
Irritability or frustration — feeling easily overwhelmed by small things.
Emotional numbness — feeling disconnected, not being able to feel much at all.

Cognitive symptoms of grief

Some cognitive symptoms include:

Brain fog — struggling to focus, make decisions, or process information.
Forgetfulness — losing track of time, misplacing things, or struggling with daily tasks.
Intrusive thoughts — replaying memories, regrets, or imagining different scenarios.
Disbelief — feeling like the loss hasn't happened, struggling to accept it.
Existential questions — questioning meaning and purpose in the world.
Difficulty planning for the future — feeling uncertain about what comes next or lacking motivation.

Spiritual symptoms of grief

Some people may experience:

Questioning beliefs — wondering why, questioning God and your faith.
Seeking signs or connection — looking for meaning.
Loss of meaning — struggling to find purpose in life after loss.
Deepening spiritual connection — feeling closer to beliefs or faith.