I'm grieving

When someone dies, the loss itself is only part of what we find ourselves living with. Grief can affect our relationships, our sense of self, our experiences with others, and how we feel about life itself.

You might be thinking a lot about the person who died and wondering what your relationship with them is now that they are no longer physically here. You might want to remember them, talk about them, or find ways to keep them part of your life. Or the relationship may have been difficult or complicated, and you may be left with anger, regret, relief, questions or things that can no longer be said or resolved in the way you once hoped.

You might also notice changes in your relationship with yourself. Perhaps you don't quite recognise your life anymore, or a role that was important to you has disappeared. Your confidence, priorities or beliefs may be unrecognisable.

Other relationships can change too. Friends can surprise us, both by being present and helpful or by disappearing and not showing us how we need them to. Families don't always grieve in the same way. People might stop asking, stop mentioning the person who died, or assume that because some time has passed things must be easier now. You may be tired of being the one who has to explain what you need, initiate contact or make other people more comfortable around your grief. You might be wondering which relationships you want to put energy into, where you need boundaries, or whether there are some things you simply don't want to take responsibility for.

And then there is your relationship with life. Things that once seemed important may feel less so, while other things can take on greater significance. You may be questioning what you believe, what gives your life meaning, what you want your future to look like, or how pleasure, purpose, curiosity and possibility fit alongside missing someone. You might be living your life quite fully and still grieving deeply.

Running through all of this is another relationship: your relationship with grief itself. Sometimes you want to give it your attention, and sometimes you want a break from it. You might avoid it, resent it, fear it, tend it, express it, become curious about it or feel differently towards it from one day to the next. I'm interested in what happens when, rather than assuming grief is something we need to get through, we begin to notice how we're actually relating to it.

Your relationship with the person who died can affect how you understand yourself. Changes in yourself can affect your friendships. Other people's responses can affect your grief. Your grief can change what feels important about life. One theme, connection, connects it all.

This is the territory my coaching, groups and workshops explore.

Here are the ways we can work together