Frequently asked questions
What is Grief Coaching?
Grief coaching is a specialism under the umbrella term of coaching.
My favourite definition of coaching is from Julie Starr. She describes coaching as a series of conversations. She says, 'An effective coaching conversation influences someone's understanding, learning, behaviour, and progress.'
Grief coaching does exactly that. The conversation and space that I provide will help you to express your feelings, explore coping mechanisms and behaviours, explore thoughts, support your understanding of grief, and work towards integrating grieving with living, healing and growth.
What kind of coaching do you do?
I carry out grief coaching and resilience coaching. These topics are separate but can also overlap.
My coaching approach is integrative. I draw from coaching models such as the GROW model, Positive Psychology and Appreciative Coaching.
I draw from the work and themes of many different therapies and leading experts. Some of the theories and professionals that influence my work are:
Chris Johnstone's work on Resilience
David Kessler's work on Meaning
Positive Psychology - Resilience, Motivation and Goal Setting
VIA Institute Character Strengths
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - Work on grief and loss and values
Frances Weller - Grief and Praise as well as personal rituals
My work is not limited to the above. I am not complacent regarding my coaching practice - My clients deserve the best coaching and best and most up-to-date knowledge.
I continuously learn and read widely.
What types of grief do you work with?
I work with anyone who is grieving following a significant loss. This is not just bereavement from death but whatever is a significant loss to you. This could be the loss of a relationship through means other than death, loss of a job, loss of role and identity, loss of career, or loss of religion.
Here are some of the formal types of grief that I work with:
Delayed - This is grief that we don't necessarily feel when it's happened because it's not safe to feel or we are in 'get things done' mode or survival mode.
Disenfranchised - This is grief that society can judge or minimise the impact of. This could be infertility or perhaps a relationship you don't have anymore but are now more removed from.
Climate - Grief related to climate change and a loss of environment and ecosystems
Collective - Grief related to a big world/national event or public figure death
Cumulative - Multiple losses might build up that you haven't attended to
Secondary Loss - These are losses that come as a result of the primary loss. This could be changes in role, changes to other relationships, a change of living circumstances, a change of environment.
The only form of grief I don't work with is Prolonged grief. For prolonged grief, I would recommend therapy.
Do I need coaching or therapy?
This is a conversation we can have before you begin coaching. The most important thing to mention is that grieving is a completely normal reaction to losing something or someone important to you. It is not a mental health condition unless the impact it is having moves into prolonged grief.
The main difference between coaching and therapy is the focus.
Grief Coaching focuses on the future, making goals to make changes that will support you in reaching your desired state of healing, growth, and living alongside grief.
Therapy has a focus on the past, looking at any unresolved trauma and exploring any deep-rooted issues.
I am happy to discuss whether you might benefit from coaching or therapy.
Who can benefit from coaching?
Everyone can benefit from coaching, but not all people are ready for coaching.
If you think things like 'something has to change' or 'I can't keep going like this' or if you want to change certain feelings, thoughts, or behaviours, then coaching is for you.
Coaching is essentially about change and action. It helps you explore topics, create goals, and create an action plan, but you need to be ready to put those plans into action. Coaches walk alongside you, support you, and be your biggest cheerleader, but you are the only one who can do the work.
What happens during a coaching session?
Coaching is unique to each person, but a typical structure of a session looks like this:
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Welcome to coaching/Review of last session
- Review the action points from the previous session and review how you are and how your week has gone
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Setting the agenda for the current session - what the client wants to focus on
- Coaching
- Action Planning
How long is a coaching session?
Coaching sessions are one hour long.
How frequently do sessions occur, and how many do I need?
Coaching usually works best once a week or once a fortnight.
Coaching is individual to the person.
I have an 8-week grief programme that covers most topics that come up. However, coaching can have fewer sessions or longer sessions. It depends on the topics explored and the person's goals.
Where does coaching take place?
Coaching takes place online.
If you are in Norfolk, coaching can also take place outside in nature.
How much does coaching cost?
Coaching with me is £50 an hour.
However, I believe in access to opportunities without barriers. If you are in a financial situation where you cannot afford coaching but think it would benefit you, I also offer a pay-what-you-can-afford option.
How do I know if I'm grieving something that isn't a death?
Dr John Wilson has helpful questions you can ask yourself:
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Has the change significantly affected your daily life, tasks you need to do, your routines?
- Has the change left you struggling to make sense of what is happening to you?
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Has it led you to feel a loss of purpose?
- Have you lost something you had an emotional attachment to?
If you've answered yes to any of these, it's likely you're grieving.
And it's completely valid to grieve things that aren't death.
